A Sad Demise.

Chatting with the family...a few of my relatives have lost their lives in unfortunate ways..a great great uncle working in a farm in St. Helens was kicked by a horse in the stomach and lost his life...an uncle working on Ince Moss on a sort of dumper..over filled the bucket...tipped over and drowned in a pond...another relative in Scotland tasked with looking after cattle..got bladdered on whisky and was trampled on by a rampant bull ..have you any similar tales ?

Yes,,,,,,but I dont feel the need to talk about it with a bunch of complete strangers.

What makes you so different?

I had a great uncle who was kicked in the head by a pit pony. That did't kill him but he was unfit to work because he had bad shakes from time to time, One day he was minding my aunty who, at the time was a baby and while he was holding her, he got the shakes and my aunty landed in the open coal fire, she did't die either, we're a tough breed but, she was scared for life, They were tough days for everyone BB. they had't invented benefit schemes then,,,

This uncle of yours, Tom. Was he the one who dropped you on the head?

hey up BB, bannermen at 6 0 clock, get your canons ready,,,

Who flushed the chain then ?

These are interesting but they’re not the official Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a ‘great idea’ gone veddy, veddy wrong.



The following examples do memorialize the least evolved among us. Unfortunately too many of them failed to reach the requirements for Darwin Award consideration.

Here is the glorious winner:
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The honorable mentions:

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger The chef’s claim was approved.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family… unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Remember… Survivors walk among us and they can reproduce! And they Vote!

Brilliant Peter..

Remember a case in wigan man hit another man on the head with a lump hammer cracking his skull,in court the offender said to the judge it couldn't have hurt him your honour the hammer was only on his head a second,